Christmas Heartache

Can’t believe Christmas is upon us again, the year seems to have passed so fast, where did it go? I have 2 children, a girl aged 7 and a boy aged 12. I have split from my violent husband as just after last Christmas he left us after I discovered he had been seeing someone from work behind our back. Since he left he hasn’t been back in contact and hasn’t seen the children. I cant believe I didn’t realize he was cheating on us. Although I had thought about leaving him in the past because of the abuse, I never actually thought I would get away – so him leaving was a big shock.

It has been hard looking after the children on my own after 12 years of having someone around. I have recently been to see my doctor who has said that I am suffering from depression and anxiety. I have a part time job which I love, it doesn’t pay much but enough to pay the bills and keep the kids fed and warm which is all that matters really. I am worried about Christmas, what with it being just around the corner. I have no savings for presents anymore because all the money I did have saved has been now spent on new uniforms for the kids for school, and things which my ex would usually have paid for. Other years I would have saved a bit of money to buy presents, but this year I don’t know what I am going to do. Sometimes I feel angry at the ex for leaving us, sometimes I feel sad because I’m alone, sometimes I feel worthless, sometimes I feel guilty because I cant get the kids things they want, and a lot of the times i feel tired and feel like I can’t go on.

I just want one day of feeling happy, loved, strong and with no worries – just for that one day.

41, For the grace of God I go