No More Fear

Hi I’m Trudie, I am a survivor of domestic violence. Yesterday I came across this web site and thought to my self “please, there is no one who knows what I went through” – until I started to read your letters. My abuser was my best friend in Junior High School and now I am 34 and all I ever knew was him. The cycle of abuse can be broken and all of us are living proof of that.

On May 13, 2002, I was leaving him, as I thought I could so many times before. I walked out the door thinking to myself “he’s high again – he won’t even notice I am gone !!!!”. Yeah right. I stepped up the stairs with my back to him. He pulled my legs out from under me, as I felt something very odd in my heart that this was different from all the other times. It was a fear I had known before, but even more intense. I felt the warmth of my own blood running down my chest, as at that point I realized he had slit my throat. Then he stabbed me two more times – I knew I was screaming but no sound came out. I saw our neighbors watching, no one would help me. Some how I ran to my parents house, they lived half a mile away, and to my horror still no one would help me. The next thing I remember, was that I awoke in the hospital, that old familar place that we all know so well. I have endured terror like this for years with him, the

– I’m sorry’s
– why did you make me hurt you
– if you really loved me you wouldn’t make me hurt you
– if you really loved me you will tell every one you fell
– you know how stupid you are

My abuser is now in prison this is how I broke the cycle of abuse. Yes there are times when I remember his words and the fear, of the what if’s… Could I have made this marriage better for us… But my sisters, there is no what if’s, there are only their sick and twisted minds, and what they call love. The words I tell my teenage boys are “that love is not supposed to hurt”. I can hold my head up high now, and say I made it through this hell on earth. There will be no one to stand in my way of me being free and happy of all abuse.

Thank you for listening to my story, may God bless all of you.

~~~ 34, USA, “Love is not supposed to hurt.”