Warning Signs You're Dating a Loser

Quick Attachment and Expression "The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you. Remember the business saying "If it's too good to be true it probably is (too good to be true)!" You may be so overwhelmed by this display of instant attraction, instant commitment, and instant planning for the future that you'll miss the major point - it doesn't make sense!!    (read)

Emotional Memory Management:
Dealing With Trauma

Emotional Memory Management , or EMM, is concerned with the thinking and memory part of brain functioning. Almost every aspect of daily functioning is directly related to our memory. As you read this document, your brain recognizes words and provides definitions as you read - pretty fast operating when you think about it! While this discussion is not concerned with reading or word-memory, it is concerned with the manner in which the brain pulls memory files, makes those files, and how those files influence our daily life... After reading this information, you are encouraged to practice the techniques, be curious about how your file system works and observe it in operation, and make the most of the new knowledge and understanding available.

[ How Files Affect Us ] [ Techniques For File Control ]

Articles About Domestic Violence

• Domestic Violence
• Violence Against Women
• Congress Findings
• Write a Letter to the Judge
• Theories on VAW
• Todays Violence News
• Important Numbers
• Resource Links 		• Survivors Stories
• Poems

• The Defiant Child
• Dating A Loser
• Loving An Abuser

• Survivors Forum (Chat)

The Family

• Traditional Family Myth
• Sociological Perspectives
• Regulation of Family
• Oppression of Women
• Family Dangerousness
• What Men Want
• Masculine Autonomy

Mental Health


• Trauma & Memory
• Post Traumatic Stress
• Mental Health
• Depression
• Bipolar Disorder
• Boderline Personality

Love and Stockholm Syndrome:
The Mystery of Loving an Abuser

For the family and friends of individuals involved in a relationship with a Loser... In the final analysis, emotionally bonding with an abuser is actually a strategy for survival for victims of abuse and intimidation. The "Stockholm Syndrome" reaction in hostage and/or abuse situations is so well recognized at this time that police hostage negotiators no longer view it as unusual. In fact, it is often encouraged in crime situations as it improves the chances for survival of the hostages. On the down side, it also assures that the hostages experiencing "Stockholm Syndrome" will not be very cooperative during rescue or criminal prosecution. Local law enforcement personnel have long recognized this syndrome with battered women who fail to press charges, bail their battering husband/boyfriend out of jail, and even physically attack police officers when they arrive to rescue them from a violent assault.    (read)

Understanding Depression

Depression is perhaps the most common of all mental health problems, currently felt to affect one in every four adults to some degree. Depression is a problem with mood/feeling in which the mood is described as sad, feeling down in the dumps, being blue, or feeling low. While the depressed mood is present, evidence is also present which reflects the neurochemical or "brain chemistry" aspects of depression with the depressed individual experiencing poor concentration/attention, loss of energy, accelerated thought/worry, sleep/appetite disturbance, and other physical manifestations.    (read)

The Tyranny of the Good Girl, the Good Boy

Many of us grew up in households where our profound needs for love and safety were not met. We did not feel safe and loved in the face of disapproval, criticism, rejection, abandonment, smothering, engulfment, physical abuse, sexual abuse. We did not feel safe when there was yelling, fighting, violence, substance abuse. We had to do something to feel safe. Some of us figured out that we could have some control over our parents’ or other caregivers’ behavior if we were really good, if we attempted to do everything right. [...] It was such a shock to me to discover years ago that, rather than being the loving person I thought I was, I was attempting to control how others felt about me by being “nice”. By putting myself aside and doing what I thought others wanted me to do, and being what I thought others wanted me to be, I was trying to control getting love and approval and avoiding disapproval.    (full text)

The Chemical Imbalance in Mental Health Problems

Your emotional health is a combination of attitudes, personality, support systems, and your brain's neurotransmitter levels. Positive attitudes and a healthy personality help us through life's difficulties and a good support system of family and friends is also valuable during times of trouble. Despite having these resources, there are times when coping with our experiences and life events changes our neurotransmitter status. Like an overheated automobile, we begin to have difficulty operating properly.

We are all at-risk for changes in our brain's chemistry. Mostly commonly, we will experience depression, anxiety, or stress reactions. As our neurotransmitters change, they bring with them additional symptoms, behaviors, and sensations that add to our on-going difficulties. Recognizing these changes is an important part of treatment and returning your life to normal and reducing our stress.

[ Introduction ] [ Neurotransmitter Levels ]
[ Norepinephrine: Arousal to Panic ] [ Medication ]