Surviving an Unwanted Breakup

There’s nothing more challenging or more desirable than finding someone to share life with. The process of meeting prospective partners and getting to know them varies. While many relationships are progressing at their rates, others might end abruptly without warning. Breakups are the result of incompatibility on different levels. Depending on how much was invested into the relationship, the intensity of this loss can range from feeling relative relief, to complete devastation and grief.

Mutual decision to end the relationshipLike a mini divorce, breakups are the end of future hopes and dreams. Some breakups are mutual, anticipated, or predictable. A mutual decision is relatively easy to cope with for both parties. A one-sided breakup is more unsuspected, and the disappointment or failure is more difficult to accept. It’s common to experience feelings of depression, betrayal, helplessness, abandonment, anxiety, guilt, tainted trust, or an identity crisis after being dumped.

How to Tend to Personal Well-Being After a Breakup

Unwanted breakups leave people in an emotionally vulnerable state. Just like an open wound needs to be treated immediately to heal, a fresh emotional pain also needs proper attention. Neglecting this need may result in negative, dysfunctional, and unhealthy long-term attitudes. This is a time to reassess life goals and analyze the situation. Answering honest questions regarding the intentions, attraction, and motivations of the former relationship will help process the loss.

Purging sorrow immediately will prompt a more easeful recovery. Acknowledging feelings of sadness is the only way to get over someone. Watching sad movies, listening to sad songs, or reading sad books are also helpful ways to allow sad feelings to surface. Having fantasy conversations aloud directed at the former partner also helps to put things into perspective psychologically.

Avoiding Rebound Habits After a Breakup

It is easy to attempt to fill the emotional void left behind by a former lover. Common unhealthy void fillers are food, alcohol, drugs, or jumping into new relationships to take the place of the former partner right away. Allow sufficient time to process and grieve before getting romantically involved with someone new. It’s unfair to start a new relationship when in an emotionally messy state of mind.

Mourning and accepting the reality of the situation helps set a healthy mental perspective. Dwelling on a former partner, becoming reclusive or isolating from other will prevent and inhibit the process of moving on. Social settings help affirm future possible prospects and positivity. Take time to identify the relationship faults (because every relationship has them). Raise the bar by never accept anything less from future mates, than the positive traits that the former lover offered.

Learn to let goMental Readjustments to Reestablish Independence After Breakup

It takes space and time to separate mentally, physically, and emotionally from a former mate. In the challenging process of individualization, some people live with unrealistic hopes of getting back together. It’s important to refrain from contact with a former lover after a break up at all cost. Despite how easy it is by phone or email, there’s nothing more hindering in the process of moving on from someone than keeping in touch.

An emotional vulnerability has an irrational effect on an individual’s ability to reason or communicate effectively. Many people seek communication with their former lover after a breakup in an attempt to gain closure, apology, explanation, understanding, or to seek revenge. This leads to rehashing old arguments after the decision to split has already been made, resulting in ongoing irresolvable issues. This is a reminder of how things didn’t work out.

Learning to Let Go of a Relationship When Romance Has Ended

Letting go without turning back promotes a quicker and easier recovery. Maintain dignity by refraining from humiliating reconciliation. There’s no better way to go in circles with a former lover, than clinging to them after the breakup. Allow time to pass and for grief to come full circle, before attempting to reconnect (if at all). Further communication will likely trigger old feelings. Romantic feelings may never wholly dissipate, so keeping in touch is not mentally productive in any way.

Wasting time on someone who isn’t a good fit, or forcing something to work that doesn’t, will close the door for a better match. A combination of fear of the unknown, starting over, being alone, rejection, or repeated failure will prevent people from finding happiness elsewhere. Be open to the possibilities of many different forms of love.

The Aftermath of a Breakup

A breakup can be devastating, but losing a boyfriend or girlfriend does not have to be the end all, do all. Understand that dating is a process of trial and error, and full of flaws. No one is born knowing exactly how to make a relationship work, and no one is perfect. The healthiest and happiest relationships are those in which two people have maintained their own identities while merging lives and adapting to each other.

It’s no easy task finding a life partner. People are usually still exposing themselves when they begin dating. A relationship’s longevity is sustained by learning to accept, respect, communicate with honesty, and compromise in stressful situations with a partner. By remaining open-minded to love in any form it arrives in, it will appear more clearly and pure. Be hopeful for the future, rather than dwelling on the failures in the past during a devastating breakup.

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About Jennifer Washington