Warning Signs
You're Dating a Loser

"The Loser" has very shallow emotions and connections with others. One of the things that might attract you to "The Loser" is how quickly he or she says "I Love You" or wants to marry or commit to you. Typically, in less than a few weeks of dating you'll hear that you're the love of their life, they want to be with you forever, and they want to marry you. You'll receive gifts, a variety of promises, and be showered with their attention and nice gestures. This is the "honeymoon phase" - where they catch you and convince you that they are the best thing that ever happened to you...    (full text)

Love and Stockholm Syndrome:
The Mystery of Loving an Abuser

For the family and friends of individuals involved in a relationship with a Loser... In the final analysis, emotionally bonding with an abuser is actually a strategy for survival for victims of abuse and intimidation. The "Stockholm Syndrome" reaction in hostage and/or abuse situations is so well recognized at this time that police hostage negotiators no longer view it as unusual. In fact, it is often encouraged in crime situations as it improves the chances for survival of the hostages. On the down side, it also assures that the hostages experiencing "Stockholm Syndrome" will not be very cooperative during rescue or criminal prosecution. Local law enforcement personnel have long recognized this syndrome with battered women who fail to press charges, bail their battering husband/boyfriend out of jail, and even physically attack police officers when they arrive to rescue them from a violent assault.    (full text)

The Talking Stick

The Talking Stick has been used for centuries by many American Indian tribes as a means of just and impartial hearing. The stick was commonly used in council circles to designate who had the right to speak. Whoever holds the Talking Stick within his hands has the power of words. [...] So how does this Talking Stick effect our relationships? A major difference between vibrant marriages and those that end in divorce is the way the couples communicate...the way they handle disagreements and hurts. In healthy marriages, disagreements are handled as they occur by discussing the situation until both partners are satisfied with the result or some compromise has been agreed upon. Nothing kills a relationship and romance like "mud-slinging" screaming matches or attempts to punish with the "silent treatment."    (full text)